“Life in Crisis” Week 5 – Rev. Sean Stanfield John 21:3-17
It was 2010 and I had finished several years planting a church in Ringgold, GA as the lead pastor. I was tired and knew that my time had ended. This church was full of great families and friends, but I had allowed the church to become more important than my own family. I had also just finished seminary during this time which was one of the hardest things for me to do as well as working a part time job to stay afloat financially. I was physically and emotionally spent. It was during this time that I felt a lot like Peter.
Peter, after denying Christ, seeing the crucifixion, and being witness to Jesus’ resurrection, he does this in John 21:3 3 “Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will go with you.” They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.” Peter goes back to his old ways of doing life. He goes back to fishing for fish. In my stress, frustration, and tiredness I went back to what I thought was comfortable with and that was retail management. I stepped back into a life of retail thinking that this is what was going to be easy, give me time with family, and no stress at all.
What happened over the next couple years was not that. My mother got sick with cancer and in 2011 she lost the battle to it. The company I worked for changed and the demand and stress got higher from all aspects which caused me to work more hours. I also got very sick myself and ended up in the hospital a few times from a very rare condition. Life was supposed to be easier leaving the ministry and give me balance.
What I found is that I wasn’t running from all the stress and other things, but I was truly running from God. My grandfather and mother would always tell me, “You will never be satisfied in life unless you are doing what God has called you to do.” I had to have a real conversation with God at this point. I felt like Job in my life. Could I have any more tests and trials at this point. I found myself in Middle Tennessee at a meeting for work and got sick from my condition. I ended up in the hospital and during that time in the hospital a United Methodist Pastor named Denman Fraser came and visited me. He prayed for me and then we talked about a position for children’s minister he had at his church in Hendersonville.
I found myself in a bed forced to focus on God and pray. I could have kept going and gone back to Knoxville and worked and done the same routine and maybe gotten better or maybe not or maybe make a faith move that would put me back in ministry where I knew God wanted me to be in. That was this moment when the continuation of the Peter story happens. In Luke 21:4-17 it says this:
“Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. 5 Jesus said to them, “Children, do you have any fish?” They answered him, “No.” 6 He said to them, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, because of the quantity of fish. 7 That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea. 8 The other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off.
9 When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire in place, with fish laid out on it, and bread. 10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught.” 11 So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, 153 of them. And although there were so many, the net was not torn. 12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” Now none of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and so with the fish. 14 This was now the third time that Jesus was revealed to the disciples after he was raised from the dead.
15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16 He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”
I knew that this was that moment that God was calling me back into service for Him. If I had not been stopped that day at a business meeting in Nashville and ended up in a conversation with a pastor that had a need for someone with ministry experience, I don’t know where I would have been today.
Junius Dotson says that we have to learn like Job did to learn to cry out to God. He says, “Job cried out to God in the midst of his pain.”[1] Like Job I was crying out and with all my being I was at a stopping point that could have could have gone either way. I could have gone back to what was safe or take a step into the faithful. Remember what Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is the reality of what we hope for, the proof of what we don’t see.”
Now, for me it wasn’t like everything got better physically overnight and everything was an easy road stepping into the future which God had laid before me. What changed was my perspective towards all the loss and grief that I had been through. Junius says this:
“The story of Job is really about a response. Job’s response to his suffering was to worship. We go to church on Sundays and it’s a ritual. Let’s sing some songs and pray, hear a message, and then go home and eat the roast. That’s not what Job did. Hs was not an ignoring and-my-reality worship. It was raw worship. It was gut wrenching laying yourself before God. That’s what Job did.”[2]
My perspective was to give myself, all in all to God’s will and design, and future. My perspective was to learn to focus less on my things and turn more towards the goodness of God. It reminds of a United Methodist Hymn we sing, “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” It says this:
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace”[3]
The next piece is to get the right people and community in your life to walk with you through this process. Job had people in his presence, but these “friends” did not offer sound advice. Like Junius says, “God can handle our raw emotion, our complaints, out discouragements, our anger, and our questions.”[4] This newfound faith in God is not an overnight miracle drug but a lifelong journey. Part of my whole journey into this newfound faith in God was to learn to rest and rely more on God. Much like Peter being reaffirmed on the shore I think that my big transformation was hearing those same words as I relied on God more and began to focus on my mental and physical wellbeing.
God in my life were those words, Sean feed my sheep, tend to my sheep, feed my sheep. It put a peace in my whole spirit knowing that God was not done with me yet. So, the questions I leave you is where do you turn your focus when in times of grief and stress? Do we focus on the issues and the problems only or do we turn our eyes towards God? (Sing)
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace”[5]
Let us turn our eyes towards God and in our pain, our stress, our lives of crisis…learn to praise Him in the storm. Amen.
[1] Dotson, Junius B. Soul Reset: Breakdown, Breakthrough, and the Journey to Wholeness. Upper Room Books, 2019, P. 80.
[2] Ibid, 82.
[3] Book of United Methodist Worship. Nashville, Tenn. :United Methodist Pub. House, 1989. P. 349.
[4] Dotson, Junius B. Soul Reset: Breakdown, Breakthrough, and the Journey to Wholeness. Upper Room Books, 2019, P. 85.
[5] Book of United Methodist Worship. Nashville, Tenn. :United Methodist Pub. House, 1989. P. 349.
An empowering and clarifying message. May God continue to show a new wayou and bless your ministry in unique ways.